You've heard it all before. You should put on your own oxygen mask before you put on your kids'. You should fill your own cup first so you can then go on to fill others. You should make sure your own needs are met so you can be the mum that your children need.
Well, I'm calling it. It's all BS. All these should statements set women up for stress, failure and... I'm going to say it... massively damaged self-confidence because you never seem to be able to achieve all the "shoulds." What sort of a mum are you anyway?! (I'm in your head I know!)
We as mums are bombarded by so many shoulds that we don't know which way to look or if we should even look at all... Maybe we should close our eyes... who knows with all the instruction and opinion out there.
So, I've set fire to the notion of "should" (See ya! Bye bye!) and have taken a different approach. I'm ignoring the shoulds and I'm ignoring what others tell me to do. Instead I'm tuning in to me as a unique individual with totally unique needs. We're all special unicorns and I don't care what anyone has to say about that.
Unique Fact no.1: When my unique needs are met, I show up as a better person.
Unique Fact no.2: Whilst I know how beneficial it is to me personally to have my needs met, it's a $π!@ fight to get there!
Before we go on, let me share some wise words I once heard. Despite all the challenges, the barriers, the struggles to actually prioritise myself and practically make my self care happen, an amazing woman (let's call her Lara) suggested that I "do it anyway." Maybe it sounds simple or maybe it sounds harsh. But what she was saying is that I had to push through, accept that going to the gym wasn't going to be some perfect, joyful skip to the treadmill... it was going to involve packing snacks for my kids, getting them buckled into the car, peeling them off me as I left them at the creche... and then sweating out my mum stress.
Even though it's a battle just to get the husband to watch the kids for an hour... I went for a walk anyway. Even though I felt the financial guilts for getting my nails done... I did it anyway. And even though the kids had tantrums when I turned off their TV show so that I could do my YouTube exercise video... I did it anyway. I learnt how to prioritise myself.
And I reaped the benefits.
Here they are for you, laid out nice and clearly, just in case your unicorn needs require encouraging! I know mine still do because no unicorn is perfect.
1. You will have more energy and more zest for life. By making time for your needs, you will feel a million dollars.
2. You will have a better sense of self. Simply by paying attention to what you need in the first place will teach you wonders about yourself.
3. Your self respect will skyrocket! Even making the move to notice your needs and the decision to meet them will advance your self respect in leaps and bounds.
4. You will parent better. Not a single mum is perfect, but when you are cared for, you are more level-headed and show up better.
5. You will be in a better mood generally which makes life just way more fun!
Comment below and let me know if you plan on tuning in to your own unique needs!
With love and gratitude,
Ros
x
P.S. My free watercolour course won't be available for much longer. Head here to grab it now.